Evidently, I need to learn dog manners, so my female took me to socialize with this guru dog named Mac. He’s four, well-mannered and does therapy with his humans. He has a pool, and since swimming is my dog drug of choice, I was excited. When my webbed paws hit the water, something inside of me comes alive.
I’d been in Mac’s yard about five minutes when someone threw a ball in the pool, so I flew into the water and grabbed it. Right? Yay me, except it wasn’t the best of manners to leap into Mac’s pool and retrieve his favorite ball while he was still fussing with his swim vest and pawing at the water from the end of the ramp. And then another dog arrived.
Who names a dog Malcolm? That’s like a name for an art director. I knew the second he walked in the gate he had to poop and that I would talk to him. Guy’s lowering his backside, and I’m coming at him because I couldn’t help myself. Not because he was better than Mac, he was just there, and cute. But Malcolm was also kind of timid around the water even though his female said he loved to swim when he was little. A dog chicken. That made him a little less cute.
I wanted to tell him dude you can wait forever to be ready to go in the water, just jump. What’s the worst that can happen? So he jumped, and then he wouldn’t stop.
And bang, he was getting all the balls because I didn’t want to swim out to the middle of the pool. Not yet, and I wasn’t going to drown just to prove something. Malcolm could keep all the damn balls far as I was concerned. Whatever. I was about to go behind a plant and drip when he turned into this snappy son of a bitch. Not like Mac who is just masculine. Dude bit me, light bites, but he wasn’t playing, and he wasn’t teaching me manners, he was being mean, and I did not feel like lying on my back for him.
Then Mac stepped up and put his paw on my back like he was protecting me, and I melted. It ended well. I was exhausted, and Mac had a grooming appointment. His female told my female that Mac gets groomed once a week and maybe she would like the number, but I was like what’s to groom. I have soft, naturally blonde fur, nothing complicated, no poodle do.
Speaking of anal glands, after Malcolm went home, Mac tried to hump me. And he’s fixed. Ewwww. But feeling his big paws and his chestiness made me do the lying on my back thing. Again. It was embarrassing. I wanted to tell him leave me alone, but do I really want him to leave me alone?
His female told my female that humping wasn’t a sex thing it was a dominance thing, but the whole thing was awkward. To make it even more weird, my female was hopping up and down saying he’s got his wiener out, he’s got his wiener out. Why she called it a wiener I don’t know. Mac’s humans are doctors and specifically referred to Mac’s wiener as a penis in an earlier discussion about how he tried to hump a stuffed animal and how they were worried his weiner/penis might get stuck, so they called the vet who told them that’s an actual thing. Man I’m glad I’m a female.
It was getting late, and I realized I was soaking wet. Then I went home and rested with my Mingo. Next day, Mac’s female called my female and told her Mac was tired and so depressed his male had to do distance Reiki on him from the allergy convention he was attending. This was good news for me. I’ve been invited back.
Take away: It’s okay to be submissive if you’re showing respect, but don’t do it if the other dog is being mean. If that happens, Run.